Tuesday, 24 November 2015

30 Things I've Learned Since I Was 50 ...

It's nearly a whole year since I was dragged kicking, screaming and drinking gin into my fifth decade but after the initial, frankly terrifying, trauma of getting there, being 50 hasn't been the long dark tea-time of the soul that I was expecting.

True, I might as well dance through the precinct every Wednesday afternoon in nought but tassels and a tutu for I have become one of the invisible women. That age group of women whose opinion and ideas excite no-one and mean nothing except, perhaps, to supermarket retailers. Still, could be worse I suppose. I could be Angela Merkel. Or Kris Jenner.

And I've learned a few new things over the past year though anyone mentioning 'old dogs' and 'new tricks' may find themselves at a disadvantage when it comes to mentioning them, or anything else for that matter, ever again ...

Things I've Learned Since I Was 50

crocheted granny squares
1: Crochet ... Finally mastering the art of the Granny Square which, for some reason, the Teens find hilarious *stares hard at Teens*

2: A smattering of Japanese.

3: What alt-tags are ...

4: ...and meta-tags. I'm just not sure of the why :/

5: That beetroot turns your pee pink.

6: Pottery... Well, not really but I have watched every episode (so far) of the Great Pottery Throwdown on BBC2.

7: The word 'Cuntpuffin' ... Thank you @Purpols80

8: Where Maidenhead is.

9: What a Twinkie tastes like..... And I wish I hadn't bothered.

10: How to do the Uptown Funk.

11: The real name of a hashtag... It's an octothorpe

12: The number of the combination lock on the allotment gates.... After just the four years of trying.

13: That you're never too old to have a girl crush on Taylor Swift.

cat in a vest
14: How to make a cat vest out of a pair of leggings.... 

15: And how to dress a cat in said vest and survive.

16: That burgers don't belong in brioche buns.

17: What sun rays are called..... They're Crepuscular rays since you're asking.

18: My own mobile phone number*

19:  What a Waterloo sunset looks like.

20: How to cast on and off. (Knitting, not boats.)

21: Where Amen Corner is.  

22: How to make chapatis.

23: America's Graham Crackers are Britain's Digestive Biscuits.

24: Twelve excellent things to do with coconut oil.

25: ... And two not at all excellent things to do with coconut oil.

26: Never to invite David Cameron to a game of Pass the Pigs.

27: How to prune a rose bush.

28: That it is possible to go out with your kids and enjoy yourself....... You just have to wait until they're over 18.

29:  How to make Yorkshire Puddings ... Yes, I'm from Yorkshire. Yes, I can cook. And no, I never made Yorkshire Puddings before I was 50. What of it?

Oh, and

30: All the words to Let It Go.

So there you go, age is no barrier to learning.


*This may be a lie

Friday, 20 November 2015

Street Photography

I'm always fond of a good Instagram hashtag and one of my favourites is #streetphotography, though the definition of what constitutes street photography can be confusing. Especially to some of the 'young ladies' who post on the Instagram hashtag apparently. 

So if street photography isn't just photos of streets (though it can be) or naked ladies (which it is some of the time on Instagram *rolls eyes*); what is it?

Street photography is capturing a scene as you go about the, preferably but not necessarily, urban world around you. It's not reportage (there's no story or meaning to it), it's not documentary (for much the same reasons). It's not landscape, it's not a portrait, it's just a scene that catches the eye .....

Thursday, 12 November 2015

The Dictionary of Teen: - On Fleek

There are many baffling moments in the parenting of teens without them developing entire new words to baffle you with as well, but they do it all the same. This is another in an occasional series of  The Dictionary of Teen ... 

On Fleek: 

Meaning the same as on point but used particularly in reference to successfully groomed eyebrows and evenly applied eyeliner...

Friday, 6 November 2015

Why Whitby?

Why do you always go to Whitby, they ask. Well, my mother asks. Every single time we go. And we go a lot. We went  again at half term, as it happens.

I first went, for the day, when I was 18 years old with a friend as a celebration after we'd finished our A level exams many, many years ago. While there we did all the Whitby things: bought lucky ducks, went up the 199 steps to the Abbey, and visited the Romany fortune teller in the harbour.

Thursday, 8 October 2015

For National Poetry Day... A Poem

A Poem

I can't be doing with people
Who want to bugger about.
I can't be doing with people
Who feel the need to shout.
I can't be doing with people
Who are pointlessly rude
And I can't be doing with people
Who are ugly in the nude.

National Poetry Day logo

Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Rebel, Rebel ..

A school should be an establishment of learning, not of correction. A place to inspire and lead, not cudgel and cow but someone, somewhere seems to be forgetting that.

I've ranted about the Teen's Academy's newly designed uniform skirts before. Skirts that have been designed and introduced purely in an attempt to stop girls from rolling their skirts up to shorten them.
Shall I just repeat that: They've taken special measures to make sure that the girls wear uniform skirts that aren't either 'ill-fitting or too short' (ill fitting meaning too tight obviously), just in case girls expose too much thigh.

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