Friday, 4 May 2012

The Top 50 Things A Mother Should Do Before Your Child is 11 and Three Quarters

So, alright it's not a snappy title but in response to the National Trust's 50 Things To Do Before You're 11 and Three Quarters, it's the best I've got.

I've already helped out The National Trust once but now I have selflessly decided to expand their entirely fantastic bucket list idea so mothers all over the country can fulfill their own bucket lists too. Get your clipboards, a marker pen and get ready....



The Top 50 Things To Do Before Your Child is 11 and Three Quarters*

  1. Learn how to make salt dough
  2. Spend an existentialist half hour once a week wondering where all the socks go
  3. Forget to turn the bath off
  4. Forget to turn the bath on
  5. Go three days without food because you can't find time to eat any
  6. Papier mache a balloon
  7. Remove three hairclips and seven pieces of Lego from a washing machine filter
  8. Tolerate other people's children 
  9. Forget to look in a mirror for a week and a half
  10. Have a tantrum (Preferably in a supermarket)
  11. Spend 72 hours without sleep
  12. Learn to love gin
  13. Cry when someone mentions going on holiday
  14. Jump in a puddle
  15. Forget your own name
  16. Forget your husband/partner/significant other's name (This can sometimes have HILARIOUS consequences)
  17. Know the name of every CBeebies presenter
  18. Eat chocolate until you are sick
  19. Despair at advertising on TV
  20. Wonder how to remove nail varnish from the carpet
  21. Wear jeans EVERY day for two years
  22. And not notice
  23. Struggle down the street with an (almost) lifesize castle made out of cereal boxes
  24. Start blogging
  25. List "colouring in" as a skill on your CV
  26. Reach for a glass when you see a rash
  27. Go on a wine diet
  28. Wonder what happened to your breasts 
  29. Collect Disney's entire film oeuvre
  30. Visit A&E
  31. Get lost in a shopping mall
  32. Ride on a steam train
  33. Scream yourself hoarse
  34. Listen to five conversations at once
  35. Develop a crush on Dr Who
  36. Understand the life cycle of the headlouse
  37. Remove someone's ankle skin with a pushchair
  38. Know the name of EVERY Thomas the Tank Engine train (Beware: that's a LOT of trains)
  39. Cry in public
  40. Spit on a tissue 
  41. Feel guilty
  42. Understand "number chunking" (Anybody?)
  43. Unblock something (toilet, plughole, drain, child's nose
  44. Think about running away
  45. Bite your tongue
  46. Eat more chips than strictly necessary
  47. Bury a family pet 
  48. Develop 1,763 ways of saying "NO"
  49. Sneer at lycra
  50. Worry.
*in no particular order


  1. Oh my God this is so accurate! Especially the bit about CBeebies and advertising!


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