Sunday, 21 October 2012

The Five Milestones of Motherhood ...

Some would have you believe that the milestones of motherhood are your child's first word, their first step, the first day of school and yes, if you are that way inclined they are markers on your child's path through life but they are totally NOT the most important milestones... ooohhhh no.

The day you can deal with your child's expulsions of poo or vomit and, sometimes, poo and vomit at the same time WITHOUT retching is definitely milestone day. 
I could deal with poo, mostly, but I thank all deities daily that now (as my children can sort out their own poo thank you very much) I only have my own and the cats to deal with on a regular basis. Though the cat's still makes me retch.
Regrettably I've still not achieved a successful vomit endurance level but my children, probably in fear of the squealing, very rarely throw-up.Well that and because they're so used to germs.

Another milestone is the day that you realise your little bundle of joy, the light of your life and the apple of your eye is being a little bugger TOTALLY ON PURPOSE. Don't waste time trying to distract them or jollying them out of it, they just think it's earth shatteringly funny to see you run around in circles trying to make them feel better.
This usually starts happening at the age of six months and continues unabated until the age of 16. *sighs*

Learning to harness The Beast Within is yet another milestone and you KNOW exactly the beast I mean. The one that rears it's ugly head every time someone, anyone decides to offer an opinion, their wisdom or advice on your child or your child-rearing. The relatively easy part of this is containing your inner Hulk, I mean who really wants to turn green and rip the head off an old lady in the supermarket queue, it's NEVER a good look. The hardest part, of course, is learning to walk away without giving a shit.

There is always guilt. Realise that. Learn to deal with it. Milestone met.

The last milestone is a bit more than a mile away. It basically involves waiting until your child grows up and seeing what happens next. Are they in therapy? No. Excellent, you have produced a well-rounded adult. Well done, you are now officially a good mother.




  1. Awe man! So if they go to therapy, I have officially failed? lol. I think maybe you are a little hard on yourself, but absolutely funny milestones. Too true. :)

  2. Ha ha, I completely relate on the vomit front! I am very lucky so far with my son and it's only happened a few times but it is awful. I remember being a child and vomitting in my bed. I went in to my parents room to tell them and they told me to go sleep on the floor then ha ha. Now I get it! (popped over from 'Mummy's Little Monkey')

  3. ha ha love it. I like the retching! I can't stand my cats sick and my poor little girl was ill the other night and I was nearly sick on her poor thing! Note to self. Must try harder! lol x


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