This month I will be 48 years old.
At least I think I will be. I KNOW I was born in November 1964 and I KNOW (if I take a quick look at the calendar admittedly) that it's now 2012. And I can start to work out how old I am but somewhere in between knowing the answer and saying it out loud my brain veers away and starts making a loud LA LA LA sound.... *sighs*
But in the pursuit of truthful blogging I asked a teenager to work it out and, when they'd finished giggling, it appears I am ACTUALLY going to be 48. For real. Forty eight. FORTY fucking eight. FORTY fucking EIGHT. FORTY FUCKING EIGHT. *Edvard Munch Scream face*
And so it appears that even though I feel no more grown up or wise in the ways of the world than my youngest child aged six, I must on all available evidence be, in fact, an adult just by virtue of being so old. Oh.
This is entirely unexpected. I always thought being old would be heralded with the desire to wear a twin-set and American tan tights, sensible shoes and, possibly, a perm. There would be groups to join, bridge to be played and I would KNOW things like how to make Christmas cake, the optimum temperature for Yorkshire puddings and what to do in the case of a fracas at the Cricket Club.
I don't wear, do or know any of those things and the only time I got anywhere near a cricketer I divorced him at the first available opportunity.
|Me, two weeks ago. In a pub toilet.|
I'm your wearing a borrowed tailcoat, skull t-shirt and 15 year old jeans kind of girl. And yes, I know. My mother has despaired for YEARS.
They do say it's children that keep you young but clearly they never met my children. The hilarity of being 48 years old is, apparently, endless when you're 16 and even the 11 year old thinks it's amusing: "How old?" *Snigger*
Personally I don't think maths should be encouraged in schools.
But do I woman up? Do I throw the jeans away and buy slippers. Invest in some American tan tights and join the WI or do I do what I AM actually considering doing which is, er, taking up taekwondo with the six year old?
*Has mid-life crisis*