Saturday, 17 November 2012

The Rules ...

I've always thought that rules are there to be broken, but then I had children and developed my OWN rules and those rules, um, rule. Those rules are written on stone, with blood ... well not really because they'd wash off in a heavy shower but, you know, they're MY rules so you'd better abide by them *Stern look*

So just to make the rules absolutely crystal clear, because SOMETIMES it's as if my rules don't exist or anything, these are they. And the first rule of My rules* is:

RULE 1:
Do not, under any circumstances, use ANY of the words on the Banned Word List. And yes I have a List of Banned Words. What of it?

BANNED WORD LIST
Soz
Sarnie
Snap
Nite/ Tonite
Awesome
Peachy
Belly
Pogged

The breaking of this rule will result in a three hour lecture on the beauty of the English language and the ugliness of certain words. And why I've got a thing about it. With anecdotes.

RULE 2:
Don't wait and don't ask. Unless I want you to wait and want you to ask. This you will have to work out based on the imperative on what needs to be done and when divided by my level of interest. For example, you want to have a shower? You don't need to ask.You want to elope with a trainee accountant? It would be best to wait until you come to your senses.

RULE 3:
IF THE TOILET ROLL RUNS OUT, REPLACE THE TOILET ROLL ... YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS, WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT? FOR GAWD'S SAKE, WHY?

RULE 4:
Turn the bloody tap off.

RULE 5:
It doesn't matter unless I want it to.

RULE  6;
Have a sense of humour, embrace tolerance, never judge without knowledge and treat everyone else in the world how you would like them to treat you in return.  

RULE 7:
Don't ask for cinema refreshments, ever. I'm not made of money and it cost an arm and a leg to get in in the first place. *Tuts*

RULE 8.
Do what I say and not what I do ...

 *Drags on fag, downs fifth gin*

RULE 9.
And, you know, just be happy.

RULE 10.
Do not ignore the rules.




*D'ya see what I did there.

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