I'm no fashion blogger I'll admit.
I'm not, if I'm being entirely honest, very taken with the idea of fashion at all. It smacks too much of being told what to wear and when and ever the rebellious soul, I gave up the idea of dressing like the next sheep in the field when I was about 16 years old. My wardrobe consequently is an eclectic dressing up box of entirely unsuitable clothes for a woman fast approaching 50 garnered from vintage emporiums, by which I mean second hand markets and charity shops obviously. And an awful lot of jeans.
But there comes a point in even the most fashion-unconscious when enough is enough. When it's time to stand up and point out, like the small boy in the Emperor's New Clothes, that fashion is well, taking the piss.
I remember the first time (and the second time) leggings were all the rage but in those days *looks nostalgic* they were worn with what can only be described as decorum. Camel toes as anyone knows being only acceptable on an actual camel.
But leggings are back in fashion because if you haven't noticed, fashion repeats itself more regularly than My Dad after eating onions. Clearly this time around we're having a Save The Camel Toe parade. And we're not just saving the Camel Toe, we're also quite keen on protecting the Hippopotamus bottom as well.
So. Hello women of England *waves* I AM terribly sorry that you didn't receive the memo that is USUALLY sent out with every pair of leggings *exasperated face* but please remember:
Leggings are not a bad thing. Leggings are comfy, They're stretchy. They are the best thing to wear when you're pregnant. They're soft. Unrestrictive. And leggings can be embraced at ANY age. I wear leggings. I've always worn leggings....but there are RULES
1: Do not wear a pair of leggings that you can see through if you hold them up. In candlelight. In a cave.
2: ESPECIALLY do not wear a pair of leggings that you can see through if you hold them up. In candlelight. In a cave. Whilst wearing a g-string.
3: Camel toes SHOULD be protected *supportive face* but that does generally mean putting something between one's particular camel toe and the general public.
4. If your arse stretches your leggings into transparency, WEAR SOMETHING ELSE...
5: You do not look like Rhianna #truefacthard
And this might not be a rule but please remember, flirty skirts, long swishy tops and jeans are freely available just about ANYWHERE *rolls eyes*
The Right and The Wrong
Next week: Teenage boy's bottoms and why I don't want them in my face.