My 49th birthday .... Boo
There is only one way that things can go from here and that's hurtling, at breakneck speed, to the big Five O. And fifty really is the ultimate "F" word.
I did think about writing a list of Fifty Things To Do Before Fifty but frankly I couldn't think of that many, so I've compiled a bucket list with a twist .. ten things I want to do and ten things I'll never do before I'm fifty effing years effing old.
And I've included ten things I've done already too, just to make me feel that the last five decades haven't been a complete waste of time.
Ten Things I Want To Do:
1. Get two new tattoos
2. Forget to age.
3. See the bottom of the washing basket ..... What? A girl can dream
5. David Tennant..... Marginally more achievable than number 3
6. Write a book.
7. Learn to belly-dance
8. Go clubbing with the TeenTwins ..... Added by the TeenTwins which is nice, but I suspect it's only because they want me to pay
9. Drink ALL the wine
Ten Things I'll Never Do:
1. Sing Karaoke
2. Grow up
3. Or sober up
4. Learn to make pastry.
5. Appear on the Great British Bake Off .... see number 4
6. Admit to needing a bigger dress size.
7. Shop at Tescos
8. Wear American Tan Tights
9. Fly you to the moon.
Ten Things I Have Done:
1. Appeared in a Hollywood movie.
2. Thrown a music festival
3. Ridden an elephant.
4. And stroked a tiger.
5. Passed a 100wpm shorthand exam
6. Been projected onto the side of a four-storey building.
7. Danced naked in a fountain.
8. Tiled a bathroom.
9. Drunk a rugby team under the table.
10. Been published in a book .... Because human resource manuals still count as books. Right.
*Starts drinking.... Doesn't stop*