Thursday, 29 December 2011

New Year, New You? .... No Hope.

New Year on the horizon .. the traditional time to make new resolutions but you can keep your striving to a thinner/ non-drinking/ non-smoking/ BETTER you to yourself, thank you very much.

I might *cough* enjoy a bit of a drink, and I smoke - not often and in the greenhouse, in a mask, while surrounded by yellow police tape OBVS -  AND I might wear a mini skirt at the unsuitable age of 47. And I probably (definitely) have cellulite.

(I sound like Liz McDonald. I am not Liz MacDonald).

But you know what? I DON'T CARE.

I'm quite happy in my skin, thanks. I even like the scarred burnt bits on my arm which nobody seems to notice anymore anyway. And I still wear the same size jeans I wore when I was 18 years old which isn't bad going after nearly 30 years and four children (though that only makes me wonder if I looked like I'd had four children when I was 18 *sigh*).

And the chances that a bit of exercise, early nights and drinking water will give me the body I'd like isn't going to happen, because the body I'D like is Rhianna's.

And as for drinking and smoking? Well I've got to die of something. I don't want to be hanging around cluttering up the planet; incontinent, dribbling and delusional while the children think up excuses not to take me in. No, polluting my own body with toxins is my way of doing something for the future of mankind by making sure at some point I WILL be removed from it. And, anyway, life's not a gamble until you throw the dice.

Of course, there's things I'd like to achieve, I'm not totally unaspirational *tuts*.....As well as having Rhianna's body, I'd like to be JK Rowling and Victoria Wood, I'd like millions of pounds, eternal youth and happiness, blessings, smiles and sunshine all my days.

And that, also, is very unlikely to happen. So I'll just have to be happy with being me. Though come to think of it, that's a good resolution to make.

You can borrow it if you like :).

1 comment :

  1. Love it! I always make a new year's resolution cos I'm always disatisfied with myself. And that's not good, I know! When we get into our 40s, I reckon we just need to resign ourselves to the fact that our body is no longer a it, lumps and all!


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