Sunday, 29 April 2012

A Note For PE .....

I have always encouraged my children to be open and honest with me. To be able to talk about anything without me necessarily flying off the handle, hitting the roof or generally running around flapping (though I withhold the right to do all three once they've left the room).

Sometimes this policy has had quite, um, interesting consequences, but as of yet the jaw-dropping, heart-stoppers like "I'm pregnant.." or "I'm getting married..." or "I've joined the Tory party" haven't cropped up. Yet.

And sometimes it means that a TeenTwin has absolutely no idea of the things you are and you aren't supposed to tell your mother......

A TeenTwin limps exaggeratedly into the room: "Muuuuuuum, can I have a note for PE?"

Mum, lifts head from Twitter, raises eyes to heaven: "If you must."

TeenTwin, forgetting to limp: "Fab and could you just say I can't get changed into my PE kit so I don't have to take it." It being one of the entirely stupid rules at The Academy that even if you are injured or too ill to partake in PE lessons, you must still carry your kit around all day and change into it anyway *Tuts*

"It's really good you give me notes, I have to forge everyone else's," she announces, making herself comfy and me splutter my wine. I may at this point have looked baffled or shocked or surprised or perhaps damp. Possibly a combination of all four.

"If they don't have a note, they ask me to do one," she explained patiently while I assured her I was quite au fait with the meaning of forgery.

"My writing looks all grown up if I do it fast and slant it," she continued happily. "People are always coming up in the canteen at lunchtime "I've forgotten my homework, write me a note" or "I don't want to do PE, write me a note."

I was, like I find myself in many, many conversations with the TeenTwins, both appalled and fascinated: "Er," I said, "You shouldn't really be telling me this, should you?"

"Why not?" she said. And she laughed.

So, ladies and gentleman, I give you my daughter, most honest 16 year old EVER and, um, forger extraordinaire.

(NB: The TeenTwin has not been identified in a futile attempt to protect the guilty)


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