Tuesday, 10 July 2012

The School Report: What They Say and What They Mean.

The Boy's 
School Report, July 2012
National Curriculum Year 1.

General Development.

General behaviour, attitude to work and school life.

The Boy has recently taken on more responsibility for his own work He has started to find his own pencils (see here) and what a difference it has made! It has made absolutely no difference at all. After thinking what he would like to write about  After staring out of the window for three hours, he is keen to get going and make a start  he MIGHT scribble something down. His handwriting has also improved and is now neat and legible Possible anal retentive 
He has worked hard in numeracy Oh God, I've got to find something positive to say and with a little more effort He's not worked that hard to be honest should show progress I THINK I've got away with that. The Boy is still quite quiet in whole class discussions Too busy messing about and needs to make sure he is listening carefully he doesn't pay any attention so that he can maximise his learning. learn anything. He should also try to contribute during these carpet time sessions. Because he NEVER shuts up the rest of the time.
The Boy enjoys keeping his table tidy Possible OCD and works well with his talking partner  NEVER EVER shuts up The Boy is a popular member of the class HE TALKS ALL THE BLOODY TIME and thoroughly enjoys playtimes Has to be dragged back into class. He knows right from wrong He's very charming and must not be swayed into the wrong choices But he can be a right little bugger He needs to show strength of character and be his own person YOU ARE AN OVER-PROTECTIVE MOTHER 
I hope that The Boy's new and positive attitude will continue into Class 2, so that he can build on the progress made so far. Keep working! Thank God, he's not in my class next year!

This translation has been brought to you courtesy of a sense of humour and a deep understanding of my darling Boy. The fully translated three page document is available* on request. *No, not really.


  1. This is brilliant, and so very very true. I will hopefully get a copy of my sons years 3 report this week and imagine it will be very similar!

    Best blog post I have read for ages!

  2. BRILLIANT! And as an ex primary school teacher, I must say that you are spot on in your interpretation there....

  3. Absolutely fantastic. Have thought this for a while now. My sons always says the word enthusiastic on it several times which I think means ...........gobby and annoying. xx

  4. Great post!!! Made me chuckle! Although my professional head has to say 'Of course that's not what we mean!' ;o) x

  5. Your Boy sounds very much like my Boy! Little gem from his report: 'Despite at times appearing absorbed in bits of carpet fluff and picking scabs off his legs, he can still answer all my questions...'

  6. Great post! It's like an estate agents advert. You know cosy means small!

  7. LOL! This is probably the REAL report of most little boys in year 1....right little buggers! This could have been my son's report, probably was - most of them are copy and pasted, I'm sure!

  8. Is your son my son? Oh my word, are YOU ME???

  9. Hello visiting your blog from 3 Children and It. Your post really made me smile especially as I'm a teacher! We once had a report for my eldest which said she needed to practise 'internalising her thoughts'!! What a bizarre and very pc way of saying she needs to stop talking all the time!

  10. I remember this post first time round - so funny and spot on! Thanks for linking up to Oldies but a Goodies this month :)


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