Monday, 17 September 2012

To Jessie J, With Love and Exasperation

The Boy is in love. Properly, besottedly in love. He is six-years-old and his ideal woman, the woman he loves above all others, the woman he WANTS TO MARRY is Jessie J.

Jessie J
Jessie J
I don't really have a problem with Jessie J. She seems like a nice girl, has enviable legs and can actually sing a bit which is not always the case with some pop stars. *Gives The Spice Girls a significant look and doesn't mention Cheryl Cole.*

Or at least I didn't have a problem with her until she sashayed her way around the Olympic Closing Ceremony in a barely-there leotard and slap bang into The Boy's heart. For the first two weeks after the ceremony we had to watch Jessie's performances at the ceremony EVERY SINGLE NIGHT before he went to bed. The relief when we went on holiday that The Boy would no longer have access to Sky Plus was, believe me, enormous.

But out of sight is not, at least in The Boy's case, out of mind. His deprivation only meant his longing sharpened and it didn't help that his sisters aided and abetted his fixation by providing him with pictures of Jessie J they had, thoughtfully, clipped from magazines. *Rolls eyes* 

Arriving home his first thought was to tune in, once again, to the Olympic ceremony. Only quick thinking and the teeny, weeny little white lie that the Closing Ceremony had, by persons unknown, been entirely unfortunately totally, utterly and irretrievably erased from the Sky Plus box saved the day and my sanity. There ARE only so many times one can watch Jessie J pretending to be Freddie Mercury without having a psychotic episode you know.

But The Boy is neither stupid, nor ignorant of the possibilities of YouTube *tuts* and since the unfortunate demise of the Closing Ceremony on Sky Plus *shifty look* he has been exploring the Jessie J back catalogue of YouTube videos and performances with enthusiasm and excitement. It's an almighty shame that I have to be on stand-by with the "No, not that one" finger partly because of the way the world seems intent on marketing female pop stars,* but MAINLY because I have to watch them all with him. (Oh God no, please NOT "Price Tag" AGAIN...")

Today The Boy and I had THE DISCUSSION, the one I knew was coming.

"Mum?" said The Boy.
"Yes?" said I.
"Will Jessie J love me?" said The Boy
"How could she not?" said I.
"Can I ask her to marry me?" said The Boy.
"Weeeellll," said I, "She IS just a LITTLE bit old for you so ...."
The Boy paused and thought.
"She's much older than the TeenTwins" I said.
"Is she is old as you?"
"Er, probably not"
He thought some more.
"I won't tell her how old I am," he announced and stomped off.

With a determined set about his jib.

I fully expect to wake up one morning and find a note on his pillow that simply reads:"Gon to aks Jesi J to mary mi."


Jessie J drawn by a small boy
The Boy's vision of Jessie J.

* SOME people may have you believe not wearing many clothes is a symbol of female empowerment though I'm not entirely sure why. The current fashion for female pop artistes to dress like the last act in a Sunday lunch strip show in Barnsley is, I think, demeaning to women. I don't know why someone's pudenda and their ability to move it around is relevant to their singing ability but apparently it is but what do I know? I was 30 when The Spice Girls first hit the charts and I'd already been there, done that and put my clothes back on, all without anyone noticing. *Sighs* #justsaying


  1. I love your *paragraph especially!

  2. Funny & cute and thank god my son hasn't quite got old enough not to think all girls are icky yet. When it comes to music vids call me old fashioned but WTF most the attire now worn would have been post watershed when I was younger and I'm only spice girls era!
    Add to lyrics and context then watch 6yr old girl mimic; I love music, want her to love music but at the same time want to puke and ban it all - come back Kylie and 'do the locomotion' please! x

    1. Ok Kylie's not gone and is just about as bad as the rest now but she wasn't when I was 6!


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