Saturday, 20 April 2013

Thick as a ....

Samantha Brick has been at it again. The Daily Mail's favourite spoon-wielder whose entire job description is serving up any old crock of shit as long as it creates a furore. Or at least I hope that's what it is .... because all gods help her if she actually believes what she writes. See article. (Warning, does link to Daily Fail, approach with caution.)

And I use the word write advisedly.

Famous for claiming to be the most beautiful woman in the world ever or something, which she clearly isn't. Lady Thick-As-A this week declared that women should be constantly on a diet to be a PROPER lady, like what she and Joan Collins are. *Rolls eyes*

The epoch of female perfection. Apparently.
The Brick's theory of proper ladylike perfection has meant she has starved herself for most of her life after a puppy fat incident in her teens (she is now 42). Her chosen life partner threatens to leave her if she starts to incline the scales a tad to the right And The Brick thinks this is a good thing, simpering about partners as "weight loss coaches."  

Though if MY other half had threatened to divorce me if I put weight on, not only would I have been filing divorce papers before he'd finished speaking, I'd be having a really rather strong word about having to be the one half of the couple that only makes up a quarter of the whole (you've seen her husband right?) Oh, and reaching for an axe.

The Brick believes that women, proper ladylike women like what she is, must starve themselves because fat is failure. Employers prefer thin people to fat she states, confidently enough to make you wonder if there's a few Daily Mail executives dreading a knock from equal opportunities come Monday morning. 

Both men and women regard thin as beautiful she announces with a blind ignorance which also makes you wonder if she's ever met any real men or real women at all. Maybe she hasn't, because she's obviously far too busy staring at her perfect face and figure in the mirror.

That she celebrates her own lifetime denial doesn't worry me. She could live on Polos with slowly rotting teeth in unforgiving size 8 skinnys until she's shrivelled enough to be worn as an accessory on her husband's no doubt multi-tooled belt for all I care.

What I do care about is that she's allowed to share her shallow delusions and maybe, possibly, probably, make someone (most likely young, vulnerable, and desperate to believe a diet of Polo mints might make them attractive and successful) swallow the shit she dishes out.

After her lifetime of calorie deprivation, faddy diets and constant navel gazing Ms Brick is now, at 42 years old, a size 12. Which leads me to the first of three things that me and The Brick have in common as I am also a size 12. We are also the same height, though I am 48. I also, like The Brick, don't own a pair of weighing scales.

UNLIKE The Brick I have never been on a diet in my life (unless you count the Drink-As-Much-Wine-As-Humanly-Possible diet which I've followed religiously most of my life). Also unlike The Brick I have three daughters.

And I would rather burn myself at the stake than send them out into the world convinced that the most important thing about them is how much they weigh and what size jeans they take because I would be not just failing them but also the accumulated passions, talents and learning of every woman in history.....excepting Samantha Brick. Obviously.

*tuts at the woman*


  1. I was typing (ranting and raving!) in agreement with your editorial on Ms. Brick's statement that proper ladies should always be on a diet, hit publish then realized that I had exited instead - ha! What my brilliant comment (ha, again!) said was that if Piers Morgan said that men should be on a diet everyday, men would laugh in his face. I would agree with Ms. Brick if she urged women to eat a healthy diet but to diet/starve yourself just to wear a small size makes no sense. Love your writing!

  2. I am standing on a chair and giving you a one woman standing ovation.

    I could not agree with you more.

    But you know that :-)


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