Tuesday, 28 May 2013

A Mother's Wisdom

I strongly believe that one of the most important parts of being a mother is preparing one's offspring for the big wide world and the passing on of wisdom that has been acquired during one's own life. But as the TeenTwins hurtle towards the age of 18 with indecent haste I find myself at a loss at what wisdom I've acquired that they might need. After all, they've always believed they know better than me about most things since they were 13 years old *Rolls eyes*

But not to be deterred, here's a few of the things I've picked up during my 48 years that they might one day thank me for sharing. (That several of these things are alcohol related has absolutely NO RELEVANCE to my own life experience obvs *coughs* *shuffles a bit*)

1) Never say yes when you mean no

2) Never say no when you mean yes.

3) When drinking, if you bite your lip and you can't feel yourself biting it. STOP DRINKING. YOU ARE VERY PROBABLY DRUNK.

4) Never kiss a man if he asks if he can kiss you first.

5) Never wear a pair of pants you wouldn't want to be seen dead in.

6) If anybody asks how you want your eggs in the morning, the correct reply is "Unfertilized."

And finally, but by no means least, there are two enviable life skills a young woman should possess to succeed in life; the first is being able to drink a pint down in one and the other is being able to drink a yard of ale.

So, and I'll say this only once.... To be successful at the first, never try it with a pint of lager, Guinness or vodka. And drinking a yard of ale is all in the twist of the wrist. *nods wisely*

*Sends TeenTwins out into the world*

Not the actual TeenTwins

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