Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Room 101

I have been tagged by the adorable Rachel at Mummy Glitzer in a new meme that is the brainchild of Helen over at Stickers, Stars and Smiles. The idea is simple, pick three things that you want to cast out of the world and into Room 101 forever more and then tag three more people to do the same.

So,without further ado, I would like to cast these three things into Room 101. Please:

1. Socks.

You might think socks are harmless, you would be wrong. Over the years I must have frittered away hours and hours of my life reuniting lone socks with their chosen life partners and for what? For them to instantly separate after the next tumble around the dryer that's what. And then what are you left with but an increasing number of sad, single socks mooning around the sock drawer limply, giving you accusing looks because you've called them odd.
At the last count The Boy has 23 lone socks in his drawers. TWENTY THREE, and he is only seven years old. The mind boggles at how many will have amassed by the time he's all grown up. And if he has 23 odd socks in his draw now, where are the missing halves of each pair? Where have they gone and, more importantly, what are they doing?
I wouldn't put it past the little blighters to be hiding in the cellar, fully sentient and planning the downfall of the human race for trampling them underfoot all their lives. It would be simply safer to put the whole bloody lot on them in Room 101 and have done with socks and their plans for world domination altogether.

2. Doctors' Receptionists.

Receptionists are, in my limited experience, generally very nice. A little obsessed with doing their nails and regaling their friends about their boyfriend's unusual proclivities, on company time and as loudly as possibly. Or perhaps that's just the ones working in newspapers. Anyway...
A doctor's receptionist is a breed unto itself, a breed whose closest relative is the dragon. One must always, on the quest to see a doctor, first brave the receptionist.... though carrying a sword and shield is generally frowned upon these days.
The Doctor's Receptionist ritual consists of questions; to which you must answer fully, truthfully and with no element of sarcasm. Your challenge is to answer these questions WITHOUT:
 a) incurring the wrath of the Doctor's Receptionist (see: sarcasm) which will automatically result in an appointment in three weeks time at 8.30 in the morning
 b) informing the massed waiting room of your particular ailment. Or growth. Or discharge.
If you manage to succeed in these tasks, you STILL have to endure the expertly wielded Down-the-Flared-Nose-Stare-of-Horror employed by all Doctor's Receptionists to would-be patients who become suddenly fearful that they are either not worthy enough or clean enough or just not sick enough to deserve medical attention.
It's no wonder the medical profession is overstretched, patient's enter the doctor's surgery with a simple ailment and end up on the consulting couch gibbering wrecks with inferiority complexes and something terminal. To lighten the load on all doctors, it seems only right that all Doctor's Receptionists should be cast into the abyss that is Room 101.

It is an abyss right? I hope it's an abyss.

And last, but certainly not least...

3. Salesmen.

I don't like salesmen. I don't like door to door ones, cold-calling telephone ones, the ones that slither up to you in the middle of the supermarket and try to talk you into a change of electrical supplier with your tin of beans ones. The persistant ones, the can't-take-a-hint ones, the hovering ones, the obsequious ones, the desperate ones AND the ones that stand in a small huddle in the middle of the store discussing last night's TV and singularly failing to sell you anything.

None of this aversion to salesmen has anything at all to do with once being married to a salesmen. Obviously. *Cough*

So there you are, my contributions to Room 101. *Bows*

*Goes into hiding from all salesmen, doctor's receptionists and sentient socks for the foreseeable future*

To see what everyone else has put into Room 101, check out the link below.

Stickers, Stars and Smiles

I'm tagging some of my favourite bloggers: Hannah at Mama Bear With Me, Sonya at The Ramblings of a Formerly Rock'n'Roll Mum and Motherventing (mostly to annoy her).


  1. I love this! i started following you quite early on but have no idea how I've missed your blog; my ineptitude finding my way around blogger no doubt and even after a year, I still cock it up! I totally agree with what you've said; how do odd socks appear when two went in the basket and the washing machine???? And don't get me started on salesmen especially the cold calling!
    Glad I stumbled here. . . . .again lol. xx

  2. LMAO 'mostly to annoy her'!! You rascal. Lucky I'm in a good mood this evening otherwise I'd be directing my flying monkeys your way. Got my eye on you though...

    DOCTOR'S RECEPTIONISTS. WHY oh WHY do we have to tell them what the appointment's for now?? It's none of their bloody business. Bastards. I get a bit ragey with the ones at my GPs. They must have an alarm that goes off when I phone which warns them of my impending wrath.

    Anyway. Yes. Socks. Also annoying. I've done this meme already so thanks for the tag, but someone beat you to it... I've also got my eye on them...

    *licks your face*

  3. Socks- my just 2 year old has 17 odd ones last time I counted. And not a single pair- that DEFIES THE LAWS OF MATHS, in fact Professor Stephen Hawkins is currently in Syds sock drawer looking for wormholes.... Thank you for the tag, I too had already been tagged, but haven't published yet, so shall sneak in a mention to you too! x

  4. Brilliant - I am loving all your ideas, and the explainations of why made me chuckle too most importantly. Our Doctor's receptionist would give St George a run for his money! Love them all. Thx v much for joining in :-)

  5. oh god - doctor's receptionists... the rest home for discarded matrons... that's all I have to say about that! lol x


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