Counting down the last six months of being in my forties, I put together a slightly* unrealistic bucket list of things that I would like to do before hitting the Big Five-Oh but while I was doing it I thought of yet another 50 Things that I don't want to do at all. So I made a list. Obviously...
I might be lying about the last one.
* totally
** This applies to every list of things NOT To Do whatever age you are #justsowe'reclear
*** Because that would be embarrassing *Practises inhaling gin. Again* #justincase
An Alternative Bucket List: 50 Things NOT To Do Before 50
1: Become a grandma.
2: Find out I'm becoming a grandma.
3: Speculate about the merest possibility of becoming a grandma.
4: Wear American Tan Tights.
5: Buy a Barry Manilow album
6: Vote UKIP
7: Read a Mills and Boon..
8: ..or Fifty Shades of Grey.
9: Think Michael Gove might have a point.
10: Worry about my weight
11: Own bathroom scales (see 10)
12: Gibber
13: Grow a beard.
14: Join a cult.
15: Wear polyester.
16: Give up.
17: Listen to The Archers.
18: Lust after Simon Cowell.
19: Know everything.
20: Class A drugs.
21: Wear a thong.
22: Count units.
23: Have a Hobby.
24: Master calculus.
25: Not see the funny side.
26: Put the doctor, dentist and optician on speed dial.
27: Think jeans are only for young people.
28: Say 'There's plenty more fish in the sea' to jilted lovers.
29: Have a favourite daytime TV programme
30: Pyramid selling
31: Think the supermarket cafe serves good food.
32: Speak loudly to foreigners.
33: Shoplift.
34: Grow up.
35: Share a "Share if you...." post on Facebook.
37: Join the circus
38: Have a crush on Harry Styles
39: Wear a Ra ra skirt.
40: Ponder the mortality of man.
41: Have a sensible haircut..
42: ..or buy sensible shoes.
43: Eat tripe**
44: Drown in a vat of gin***
45: Worry.
46: Reinstall iTunes.
47: Start my own faith system
48: The 'Single Ladies' dance, in public.
49: Forget.
50: Use the phrase "When I was young.." more than six times a day.
39: Wear a Ra ra skirt.
40: Ponder the mortality of man.
41: Have a sensible haircut..
42: ..or buy sensible shoes.
43: Eat tripe**
44: Drown in a vat of gin***
45: Worry.
46: Reinstall iTunes.
47: Start my own faith system
48: The 'Single Ladies' dance, in public.
49: Forget.
50: Use the phrase "When I was young.." more than six times a day.
I might be lying about the last one.
* totally
** This applies to every list of things NOT To Do whatever age you are #justsowe'reclear
*** Because that would be embarrassing *Practises inhaling gin. Again* #justincase
I passed 50 a few years ago *sobs* and the only thing I've done on this list is buy a Barry Manilow album...and that was in my 20s!
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