Friday, 30 May 2014

A Tweenage Crush ...

I am the mother of a 12 year old girl. I have been, in the dim and distant past, a 12 year old girl and steered another two girls through that phase. I know 12 year old girls have pop star crushes. I expect them to have pop star crushes.

I should, by rights, be flapping around like a headless chicken because One Direction are going around showing us all up by (allegedly) smoking drugs, swearing and hanging around with women (just like 99.9 per cent of the boys their age *tuts*). But I'm not.

My Tween, you see. has no time for One Direction. My Tween rolls her eyes when One Direction appear on TV. She has no One Direction records; no posters, badges, stickers or t-shirts. She does not follow *apologises* One Direction.

Then again, neither is she a Belieber and though my ability to gratuitously ogle Harry Styles has been impaired by not having The Tween to blame it on; I am forever grateful she has no truck with Justin and his below par trouserings.

Steady on, girls ... it's Woody
My first Tweenage crush was Stuart "Woody" Wood from the Bay City Rollers (Yes, I am that old). It might have been his out-of-the-crypt Scottish pallor, his bogbrush hair or the lure of a pair of tartan trews, but I did have the records, posters, badges, stickers and t-shirts. And scarves, tartan and tied around the wrist, despite being from Yorkshire and as Scottish as a baguette. Mind you, I was regularly unfaithful with LesMcKeown* sooooo.....

TeenTwin's first Tweenage crush was Paramore's Hayley Williams, TeenTwin2's John from Jedward. And frankly I don't know which was more worrying. That TeenTwin2 fancied someone from Jedward or that she actually knew which one of Jedward were which.

So you could say that I've been there and done that Tween crushes-wise, but even I'm surprised by the new object of The Tween's affection. Not that she has a crush at all, oh no. She would kill me if I even thought of suggesting that she has** but she does have all the recognisable symptoms.

You can't walk by her bedroom door without hearing the same dulcet tones echoing forth time after time, but it's not a singer that she idolises. Not even an actor. Mention his name and she blushes, tosses her hair, blushes some more and giggles. But then, his name makes me laugh out loud too.

Stampy Longnose is someone who plays Minecraft (a game), a lot. He plays Minecraft such a lot (even, unbelievably, more than The Tween) that he posts videos of him playing the game, a lot, on YouTube, a lot. He has, to be fair, more YouTube views than One Direction but, still. Stampy. Longnose; a fully grown bloke who spends all his time playing Minecraft and talking about it outloud. Er....

When Mr Longnose was on TV this week, with his equally Minecraft enthralled friend iBallistic Squid (don't ask), The Tween dragged herself away from Minecraft just long enough to watch and record it. Then she watched it again and again. Then she made me watch it, twice. She made her dad watch it, couldn't convince her sisters to watch it but showed it to them anyway, and has already showed it umpteen times to her brother, who is eight and will watch anything she tells him to. Or else.

Then she went back to playing Minecraft and listening to Stampy Longnose talking about playing Minecraft.


So, yes, she does (You do) have a crush on StampyLongnose, though obviously she doesn't (She does).***

*Waits for it to pass*

* And David Essex

** She does

*** I think I got away with that *wipes brow* 

1 comment :

  1. Oh yes Stampy and his annoying laugh - we have that here too!


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