Monday, 1 September 2014

Never Mind....

It's the last day of the summer term and the kids are delirious with glee and you're not far behind them. You wander home happily singing "School's Out" whilst improbably balancing 879 random pieces of crap, many of which appear to be recreations of castles of England (all of them) made out of cornflake boxes. You drop them in the recycling box as you go through the door.

Never mind, because as you contemplate the summer weeks stretching ahead without the need to find uniform, wash uniform, iron uniform and unearth last week's sports kit from beneath the cat bed, you quietly celebrate that there will be no more early morning lunch box making or frantic school runs. No more pretending last night's smudged mascara and mismatched shoes are the latest fashion trend or that you really have to make a highly important phone call when Chatty Mum hoves into view.

Revelling in the freedom from the tyranny of the school routine, you very carefully spend days collecting, washing, ironing and putting every last item of uniform away anyway.

Never mind because you can look forward to luxuriating in a daily lie in. Unfortunately the children are still running on school time and drag you out of bed complaining they're "bored" as soon as the sun is up.

Never mind because you've cunningly pre-planned a range of activities and days out to enjoy as a family. Though the family flatly refuse to have anything to do with any of them because they're "boring", but never mind, because you make them do them anyway.

They sulk. They complain vociferously and continuously. They tell you all the other things they would rather be doing instead, all of which involve staying at home, wearing pyjamas and looking at screens. They drag their feet, scuff their shoes and stare morosely ahead refusing to be engaged or entertained. They say they are "bored" for the 797th time.

Never mind because by the time you straggle home totally beleaguered by their constant moans and sulks and complaints, they'll surely be exhausted and eager for bed.... Surely.

Unfortunately they're not tired.  They're never going to be tired again. And they don't want to go to bed because it's the school holidays. It's still light outside and they're NOT TIRED, although they may well be "bored". Eventually one falls asleep halfway up the stairs having yo-yoed out of bed for the 27th time and the other spends the entire night playing with a phone under the bedcovers.

Never mind, because tomorrow is another day. Though when it arrives it is just like the previous day, but never mind, because by now you've forgotten what day it is and the children are almost feral.

Never mind, because soon the holidays will be over. You try to shop for shoes that meet all uniform requirements but aren't "Boring."* You fail.

Never mind because soon it will be the first day back at school. Although you can't find any of the uniform you carefully washed, ironed and put away at the beginning of the holidays. You do, however, find an ancient lunchbox with a partially digested yoghurt capable of  waging bacterial warfare and half a ton of undone holiday homework.

Never mind, because tomorrow is the first day back at school. Never mind that their (newly completed) Holiday Diary reveals the highlight of their summer was not cleaning their teeth AT ALL. Or that their uniform labels had their names written on with a Sharpie pen 55 seconds before leaving for the school run. Or that you forgot to buy anything to go into a lunchbox and had to make do with three dry crackers and a wilted Jaffa Cake. Or that you've got mismatched shoes and smudged eyeliner and Chatty Mum has just hoved into view.

Never mind, because they were the school holidays and you survived. Well done.
*passes gin*

*There are no such shoes. Fact.

1 comment :

  1. WELL DONE - I too got through the summer and back to school in just about one piece. Joins you with gin and gather you have some leaving any minute - me too!! *Gulps gin quickly


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