I thought with age would come wisdom, but with a whole half century staring me square in the face I admit there are still some things I'll never understand, however many years I live ...
1: Shower gel.
2: How the wine is always gone.
3: Trigonometry.
4: Why curly haired girls want straight hair and straight haired girls want curls.
5: The purpose of thongs.
6: How to do the Hokey Cokey without falling over one's own feet.
7: The correct spacing when writing down mobile phone numbers.
8: The popularity of Kim Kardashian's bottom.
9: How slugs mate. And why they would want to.
10: Why fast food is never quick enough.
11: Why most people who wear sportswear do it for leisure.
12: How eggs work.
13: The Daily Mail.
14: Where dust goes when you've dusted it.
15: People who don't appreciate Tom Jones.
16: Chewing gum.
17: Why Ian Gillan doesn't have a knighthood....
18: ...or David Beckham.
19: How to make the perfect meringue.
20: Why anyone would EVER need a wine stopper.
21: Mrs Brown's Boys.
22: Local government planning regulations.
23: Litter louts
24: Bad losers
25: Religious Fanatics.
26: Fanatics.
27: Religion.
28: Miley Cyrus.
29: Where Ben Elton went.
30: How to cast on knitting.
31: What the spleen does.
32: How to drive.
33: What you're supposed to do with all the teeth when you're the Tooth Fairy .
34: Why people would trust a politician.
35: Why my life isn't like a musical.
36: The correct oven temperature for Yorkshire Pudding.
37: Non alcoholic alcohol.
38: Men.
39: Fake tan.
40: Where all the single socks go.
41: Why sliced bread is previously the best thing, always.
42: The inner workings of the flushable toilet.
43: How Paul McCartney's hair colourist gets away with it.
44: Jazz.
45: Couscous.
46: The Pentatonic scale.
48: Eyelash curlers.
49: Why anyone would voluntarily wear a paisley patterned anything.
And
50: Life. Mostly.
*Sighs*
50 Things I Don't Understand
.....At 50
2: How the wine is always gone.
3: Trigonometry.
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Please sir, can I have some hair straighteners |
5: The purpose of thongs.
6: How to do the Hokey Cokey without falling over one's own feet.
7: The correct spacing when writing down mobile phone numbers.
8: The popularity of Kim Kardashian's bottom.
9: How slugs mate. And why they would want to.
10: Why fast food is never quick enough.
11: Why most people who wear sportswear do it for leisure.
12: How eggs work.
13: The Daily Mail.
14: Where dust goes when you've dusted it.
15: People who don't appreciate Tom Jones.
16: Chewing gum.
17: Why Ian Gillan doesn't have a knighthood....
18: ...or David Beckham.
19: How to make the perfect meringue.
20: Why anyone would EVER need a wine stopper.
21: Mrs Brown's Boys.
22: Local government planning regulations.
23: Litter louts
24: Bad losers
25: Religious Fanatics.
26: Fanatics.
27: Religion.
28: Miley Cyrus.
29: Where Ben Elton went.
30: How to cast on knitting.
31: What the spleen does.
32: How to drive.
33: What you're supposed to do with all the teeth when you're the Tooth Fairy .
34: Why people would trust a politician.
35: Why my life isn't like a musical.
36: The correct oven temperature for Yorkshire Pudding.
37: Non alcoholic alcohol.
38: Men.
39: Fake tan.
40: Where all the single socks go.
41: Why sliced bread is previously the best thing, always.
42: The inner workings of the flushable toilet.
43: How Paul McCartney's hair colourist gets away with it.
44: Jazz.
45: Couscous.
46: The Pentatonic scale.
48: Eyelash curlers.
49: Why anyone would voluntarily wear a paisley patterned anything.
And
50: Life. Mostly.
*Sighs*