Tuesday, 24 November 2015

30 Things I've Learned Since I Was 50 ...

It's nearly a whole year since I was dragged kicking, screaming and drinking gin into my fifth decade but after the initial, frankly terrifying, trauma of getting there, being 50 hasn't been the long dark tea-time of the soul that I was expecting.

True, I might as well dance through the precinct every Wednesday afternoon in nought but tassels and a tutu for I have become one of the invisible women. That age group of women whose opinion and ideas excite no-one and mean nothing except, perhaps, to supermarket retailers. Still, could be worse I suppose. I could be Angela Merkel. Or Kris Jenner.

And I've learned a few new things over the past year though anyone mentioning 'old dogs' and 'new tricks' may find themselves at a disadvantage when it comes to mentioning them, or anything else for that matter, ever again ...

Things I've Learned Since I Was 50

crocheted granny squares
1: Crochet ... Finally mastering the art of the Granny Square which, for some reason, the Teens find hilarious *stares hard at Teens*

2: A smattering of Japanese.

3: What alt-tags are ...

4: ...and meta-tags. I'm just not sure of the why :/

5: That beetroot turns your pee pink.

6: Pottery... Well, not really but I have watched every episode (so far) of the Great Pottery Throwdown on BBC2.

7: The word 'Cuntpuffin' ... Thank you @Purpols80

8: Where Maidenhead is.

9: What a Twinkie tastes like..... And I wish I hadn't bothered.

10: How to do the Uptown Funk.

11: The real name of a hashtag... It's an octothorpe

12: The number of the combination lock on the allotment gates.... After just the four years of trying.

13: That you're never too old to have a girl crush on Taylor Swift.

cat in a vest
14: How to make a cat vest out of a pair of leggings.... 

15: And how to dress a cat in said vest and survive.

16: That burgers don't belong in brioche buns.

17: What sun rays are called..... They're Crepuscular rays since you're asking.

18: My own mobile phone number*

19:  What a Waterloo sunset looks like.

20: How to cast on and off. (Knitting, not boats.)

21: Where Amen Corner is.  

22: How to make chapatis.

23: America's Graham Crackers are Britain's Digestive Biscuits.

24: Twelve excellent things to do with coconut oil.

25: ... And two not at all excellent things to do with coconut oil.

26: Never to invite David Cameron to a game of Pass the Pigs.

27: How to prune a rose bush.

28: That it is possible to go out with your kids and enjoy yourself....... You just have to wait until they're over 18.

29:  How to make Yorkshire Puddings ... Yes, I'm from Yorkshire. Yes, I can cook. And no, I never made Yorkshire Puddings before I was 50. What of it?

Oh, and

30: All the words to Let It Go.

So there you go, age is no barrier to learning.


*This may be a lie

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