It's nearly a whole year since I was dragged kicking, screaming and drinking gin into my fifth decade but after the initial, frankly terrifying, trauma of getting there, being 50 hasn't been the long dark tea-time of the soul that I was expecting.
True, I might as well dance through the precinct every Wednesday afternoon in nought but tassels and a tutu for I have become one of the invisible women. That age group of women whose opinion and ideas excite no-one and mean nothing except, perhaps, to supermarket retailers. Still, could be worse I suppose. I could be Angela Merkel. Or Kris Jenner.
And I've learned a few new things over the past year though anyone mentioning 'old dogs' and 'new tricks' may find themselves at a disadvantage when it comes to mentioning them, or anything else for that matter, ever again ...
Things I've Learned Since I Was 50
1: Crochet ... Finally mastering the art of the Granny Square which, for some reason, the Teens find hilarious *stares hard at Teens*
2: A smattering of Japanese.
3: What alt-tags are ...
4: ...and meta-tags. I'm just not sure of the why :/
5: That beetroot turns your pee pink.
6: Pottery... Well, not really but I have watched every episode (so far) of the Great Pottery Throwdown on BBC2.
7: The word 'Cuntpuffin' ... Thank you @Purpols80
8: Where Maidenhead is.
9: What a Twinkie tastes like..... And I wish I hadn't bothered.
10: How to do the Uptown Funk.
11: The real name of a hashtag... It's an octothorpe
12: The number of the combination lock on the allotment gates.... After just the four years of trying.
13: That you're never too old to have a girl crush on Taylor Swift.
14: How to make a cat vest out of a pair of leggings....
15: And how to dress a cat in said vest and survive.
16: That burgers don't belong in brioche buns.
17: What sun rays are called..... They're Crepuscular rays since you're asking.
18: My own mobile phone number*
19: What a Waterloo sunset looks like.
20: How to cast on and off. (Knitting, not boats.)
21: Where Amen Corner is.
22: How to make chapatis.
23: America's Graham Crackers are Britain's Digestive Biscuits.
24: Twelve excellent things to do with coconut oil.
25: ... And two not at all excellent things to do with coconut oil.
26: Never to invite David Cameron to a game of Pass the Pigs.
27: How to prune a rose bush.
28: That it is possible to go out with your kids and enjoy yourself....... You just have to wait until they're over 18.
29: How to make Yorkshire Puddings ... Yes, I'm from Yorkshire. Yes, I can cook. And no, I never made Yorkshire Puddings before I was 50. What of it?
Oh, and
30: All the words to Let It Go.
So there you go, age is no barrier to learning.
Hurrah!
*This may be a lie
26: Never to invite David Cameron to a game of Pass the Pigs.
27: How to prune a rose bush.
28: That it is possible to go out with your kids and enjoy yourself....... You just have to wait until they're over 18.
29: How to make Yorkshire Puddings ... Yes, I'm from Yorkshire. Yes, I can cook. And no, I never made Yorkshire Puddings before I was 50. What of it?
Oh, and
30: All the words to Let It Go.
So there you go, age is no barrier to learning.
Hurrah!
*This may be a lie
